Men, or lack thereof...

My voice is still gone.
It disappears once or twice a year for no apparent reason.
Mom says it’s the universes gift to the people who have to spend time with me.
Then she said she was only kidding.
I fail to see the humour in that statement..

I went into town with my dad and his gf last evening.
We took the bus as Swedish people DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE!

The whole evening was like a trip down memory lane - starting with the bus.
It passed by my primary school and everything was just familiar and felt strangely like home.
It gave me the shivers.

I had made plans to meet up with an old girlfriend Madeleine at the pub and it was really nice to see her.
It’s only been two years since last time, but still.
Vi chatted (well she chatted and I hissed and whispered a bit) and had a beer and did some people watching.

It’s very interesting observing small town people.
I asked Madeleine what she does for guys.
I mean all guys worth the effort our age and up, are already married with kids (the best ones left town a long time ago) or she - and all of her friends has most likely already had something or other with them at some point during all these years here.
The single ones thirty and up are really… not even resembling anything close to a catch.
They just seem sad and out of shape and just not attractive.
She said she’s had to go younger.
Much younger.
Oh dear…

I am so glad I never got stuck in this town.
Not that getting stuck is in my nature - in anything.
To feel trapped or tied down is not something I deal very well with.
I know that leaves room to speculate whether or not I’ll ever find myself happy in one place or if I’ll continue to always be a searcher.
But I try not to think about the future too much.
The only thing I know for certain is that the guy who can tell me what to do has not yet been born.
Madeleine is very much like me in that perspective.
She just happened to have a child with a local guy and therefore HAD to stay.

I’ll take her with me on a trip soon.
She definitely needs it.

Now I’m gonna go for a walk (I.e. leisurely stroll as my hip still doesn’t permit anything but)

Adios!

Family politics

My family is mental.
Went to my dads with my sister, her man and my sisters best friend Katrin yesterday.

My parents have been divorced since -96, but their relationship - or lack thereof is a subject of many heated, sometimes very funny discussions.
As are their new relationships.
My moms remarried (since oh about 12 years) and my sister loathes her “new” husband with a vengeance.
The feeling is mutual though and they avoid each other like the plague - except for when my sister finds it necessary to slag him off to my mom just loud enough for him to hear it.
I usually try to keep out of the drama, but if asked I’d say she could do a whole lot better.
But then again, it’s her life and her time to spend (waste) whichever way she sees fit.

My dad’s not remarried, but has a long term girlfriend.
She’s well… I mostly keep quiet about that one to.
My sister doesn’t.
Surprise!

Yesterday the topic for the heated discussion was my dads girlfriend jealousy issues and the fact that she doesn’t care much for either me or my sister and makes no effort to hide her contempt.
I find it rather amusing and just act oblivious.
I hug her sometimes just cause I find it so amusing that she looks like she’s gonna puke when I do.

My sister did not hold back in the slightest yesterday and the funny thing is that my dad agreed with almost everything.
He’s all like macho man when his gf is not around and well, a bit whipped when she is.
She wasn’t around last night.
I laughed so hard and blessed the fact that I lost my voice and was therefore excused from participating in the discussion.
Although my sis did ask me a few yes/no questions at times.
When asked to name one positive thing about his gf I managed to hiss “she’s got big boobs…”

I’m not usually a fence sitter.
I am very opinionated and I am not scared to take a stand.
I just choose my battles.
I’ve tried to explain this to my sister, but she doesn’t seem to be able to grasp the concept.

So what if you don’t like your parents new partners?
You don’t have to live with them.
You just have to see them occasionally and for your parents sake you smile and contain yourself…
My sis seems to be unable to.
She is bloody funny though…
Like dr Phil with a potty mouth..

Laters!

Quick recap..

Last couple of days have been crazy.
I’ve lost my voice, Andreas lost his drivers licence, my friend Mimmi lost her dignity and me and my sister “Elli” lost Mimmi.

Recap..
My sister, Elli came up to Stockholm on thursday.
(She lives in our hometown with her man and two kids)
I invited her and my super funny friend Mimmi along to Kristoffers Easter dinner at V.

Whilst we where getting ready I got a phone call from Andreas saying he just lost his drivers licence.
Andreas had left earlier that day to celebrate Easter in the south of Sweden at a friends estate.
So I asked the perfectly logical question: How? Did you stop somewhere along the way having sex?
NO you muppet! The police took it from me for speeding.
Oh…
When your licence is evoked in Sweden, it takes effect 24h from the time of the offence.
Bummer.
I promised I would catch a train there and drive him home when he needed to get back.
I’m so friggen nice.
(…and I felt a tad bit bad for having a “getting ready/drinking bubbly with the girls” at his place without informing him about it)

Aaanyways…

We got to our dinner.
Mimmi went for a cigarette in between the starter and the main course.
Then never came back.
Turns out bouncer found her “over refreshed” and asked her to leave.
Oh dear…

Somewhere during all of this I lost my voice.
Elli and I decided to make it an early one and caught a cab straight after dinner.

Yesterday we packed ourselves into my sis car and drove to our hometown.
And now here I am.
Without a voice.

Happy Easter!

Behold, a miracle!

Ok people.
My throat is better.
I don’t know if it was the red wine, but I choose to believe it was.

I slept horribly.
From sort of 00.30 to 03.10, then I nodded off again around 04.30 and got up at 07.36.
I have no idea what woke me up at 03, but I was wide awake and I just couldn’t go back to sleep.
Maybe I'm getting old....?

Andreas woke me up at 07.36 by phoning.
He told me that 1. the red wine most likely was the thing that helped my ebola 2. his apartment key will be somewhere for me to collect as he’s going out of town for the weekend and 3. redheads usually have big dicks.
I don’t really know how we got into the last topic and I don’t even wanna know if there’s any truth to that statement or how one actually reaches that conclusion.
By sheer numbers I should presume…
Or maybe hearsay….
Eeek..

Come to think of it, I don’t know where we decided he’d leave the key either.
Think I must have still been asleep.

Maybe I should crawl back into bed for a bit.
The coffee has done absolutely nothing for me yet.

Yawn…

Wine is the way forward... trust me

Fuggin fabulous plan this “fight flu (or whatnot) with wine”
I’m not too sure that it’s actually doing anything to improve my flu/cold/whatever, but it has indeed done wonders for my mood.

Red wine rocks!
I’m superman.
Or well, superwoman…

Au revoir my little chipmunks…

Making new friends

Ok so I’m not dead yet.
Just bored out of my mind.
This is my new friend:

"Rawr!...."

Been writing a lot, so that’s great…
Also found the time to stuff self with two cinnamon buns, which is not that great.

Andreas phoned earlier and asked what kind of horrible ebola type disease I brought with me from Africa.
Rich!
He’s also feeling like crap and had to go home from work.
I personally think it’s from one of his boyfriends.
Or maybe my cousins kids, to be honest.
Kids carry all kinda yucky diseases around with them.
Like kindergarten cough and preschool fever and you know, stuff…

My cousins husband just came home and suggested a glass of red to fight this flu or whatever it is.
Good plan.

I’ll let you know how it went…

Sick as a goat

Great.
Woke up today feeling like absolute crap.
Sounding like tiny goat and feeling even worse.
Must be the bloody weather changes and travelling.
Airplanes are never good for ones health.
(even though it took a week for it to kick in if it‘s something from the plane…)
Friend just said must be cause I talk too much.
Hmpf!

Well, whatever cause, I feel awful.
Curled up on cousins sofa, drinking coffee and feeling sorry for self.
Dunno if it helps, but only thing I can muster.
Did send a text to Erik, Elenor and Andreas saying “I’m sick L Feel sorry for me”
So far, no sympathy.
Sigh…

My mom happened to phone though.
Told me to eat garlic.
Asked with what.
She said bread.
Awesome…

Ah well...
Gonna have a rest now.
Will write later, if I’m still alive…

Cheers!

Writing and thieving

So this not having internet 24/7 is really doing my head in.
It’s not so much that I have to be online all the time and constantly check my fb or email, it’s just that I like having the option to.
And to blog efficiently really does require constant access as one never knows when one just HAVE to write and upload something.

The reason for my medieval existence is that I've stayed with my friend Andreas, who dropped and broke his computer (i.e accesspoint to internet)
Even tried to log on to his neighbours internet, but they all had passwords.
Suspicious and paranoid bastards the lot.

Staying with a fabulous man friend does however come with a few perks.
He’s got amazing beauty products, most of which I never even knew I needed or wanted AND he has an amazing wardrobe.
I loooove men’s clothing.

5mins later...

Andreas just phoned and asked what I stole from his closet today.
Said nothing to cry about.
Just this comfy Acne t-shirt and a scummy scarf.
I said I kept my paws off his Givenchy scarves and that he should be proud.
He just laughed.
“so you mean you took the one that you thought looked cheap?! That was a 300€ cashmere scarf, slutface!”
Ooops…

　
　
So, recap…
Yesterday I wrote for a bit, then spent a few hours in Tessinparken (a park) having coffee/catch up with my friend Elenor and got to meet her three month old, little baby girl for the first time!

Then another friend asked if I wanted to keep him company whilst he was getting inked.
It was only supposed to take two hours and since I have a thing for tattoos and watching men in pain I happily accepted.
Four, five hours later I was kinda over it and very hungry.
Was a nice evening though.
Tattooist focused on his work and my friend on being brave.
I like talking so I mostly did just that.
Perfect arrangement.
　
Today I’ve just been writing and catching up with work.
Now I’m gonna have a bath and try to defrost a bit.
Don’t actually know why I’m so cold.
Might be coming down with something…
Eeek…
At least it can’t be man flu for obvious reasons, which seems to be worse than giving birth, death and plague all put together (if one was to believe it‘s victims) so at least that's positive...

Laters los kiddos!　
　

Razzle and dazzle

Oh man what a nigh.
Friday that is.
Started out pretty mellow, as mad evenings usually do.
Luckily I found this black number hiding in the bottom of my bag.
My cousin said it looked like a maids dress from the 40ies and looked horrified when I slithered into a leopard printed pair of tights to pop it off.
She reluctantly agreed that above mentioned outfit was better than leisure pants and a T though, if only just.
After a glass of bubbly or two and a taxi ride, we arrived at Rose, just in time for the dinner.

Me and my cousin, Cecilia:

Got seated next to the fantastic host and my wonderful friend Josephine:

Had some wine with dinner, but kept mostly to water.
Felt like responsible adult.

It all went downhill from there really.

Went on to V after dinner.
Bouncer asked for my ID.
Am at that age where that question can be consider a compliment, if yet a slight inconvinience.
Told him that regrettably, I didn’t bring my ID as I’m thirty something and as such I didn’t really anticipate being mistaken for teenager, plus that my name would be on the list.
Luckily the last bit worked.
My cousin found it hysterical.
I on the other hand find it hysterical that everyone always points out that she looks like this Swedish popstar, Charlotte Pirelli.
She doesn't find that funny at all.

Anywho...

At V I went from responsible adult to silly tit.
Did something that I have never done, ever.
I danced on the sofa by our table.
Like really!!
In my world that’s something that you just don’t do.
And sadly I cant even blame the alcohol as I wasn’t more than a tad bit tipsy.
I’m just gonna put it down to my newfound zest for life and modus operandi; life’s too important to be taken seriously.
It was fun though!
I’m not saying I’ll ever do it again, but it was liberating in a way.
And who cares what other people think really?
I mean I’ve never really given a toss about how people feel about the way I dress and I love stirring things and is often described as quite quirky, opinionated and eccentric, so maybe finally acting a bit more rock and roll and less prim and proper isn’t such a bad thing after all…?

Time will tell…

Mental preparation

I'm going out tonight!
First dinner at Rose, (premier for me, as it wasn’t around when I last were) then I'm invited for a drink (better not make that plural as I’m kind of a light weight when it comes to alcohol) at V by my friend Kristoffer.
I had my farewell party at V when I moved to SA about 3 years ago (4 maybe)
It rocked.
Kristoffer had to put me in a cab and send me home.
Not my proudest moment, but still.
I’m hoping to properly meet his girlfriend tonight as I’ve heard so much about her and I’m sure I’ll love her.
Very exciting!!
Getting quite amped for tonight!
Yeeehaaaaa!

Ok, so I just had a look in my bag to see what I could throw on tonight.
I think I must have been asleep when I packed.
There was nothing in there resembling a dress or anything other than comfy t-shirts, tops and leisure pants.
Bummer.
At least I packed a pair of heels…
Aw well, it’ll be dark by the time we go for dinner and my friends know I tend to dress funny anyways..
Sigh.

Got a pep talk from my friend Andreas
“Embrace life! You’re almost 40 for fucks sake!”
Fanks slut!

Love and stuff!
Pictures later.

Girly stuff

Well, last night was a total write off.
Hangover kicked in around 8pm.
Awesome.
Felt like my eyeballs would fall out my head if I happened to look down for too long.
Spent two hours trying to stay awake whilst my cousin gave me a manicure and put gel stuff on my nails.
I said I wanted something plain and not too eye catching.
She made them red and green.
Sounds horrific.
Looks amazing!
Like sweeties for nails.
They actually look eatable.

Aaaaanyways…

My cousins hubby is off work.
He went out with the lads from work last night.
He doesn’t seem to feel too peachy today.
In a sympathy fit spurred on by feeling the same only yesterday, I made him a coffee.
He said this having two wife’s at the moment is awesome!
Ones out making money for him and ones making him coffee.
Hm…

Ok kids, that's it for now.
I need to get out of my PJs and get going!

Laters!
　
　
　

A diffrent take on love

(earlier)

I am so happy!
I’m sitting at one of my favourite spots in Stockholm, taking in the buzz and watching people whilst sipping on a glass of sauvignon blanc and waiting for my friend Erik, who’s late.
Very unswedish of him.
But for once I don’t mind.
I could happily sit here for hours.
Its so vibrant and people are beautiful and well dressed.
Even the waiter and waitress in my section looks like perfect little blond dolls.
It’s almost a bit sickening…
Ok I’m not saying that everyone in Stockholm is beautiful, but the average is pretty high and they just seem so… I dunno… groomed.
Makes one feel a bit slummy…

(now)
Couldn’t upload earlier.

This is me two glasses of wine laters.
I’m in my cousins kitchen drinking a coffee and giggling like schoolgirl.

Had an as always, very interesting conversation with Erik.
He’s of the opinion that love is a misconception and there is only lust.
He keeps telling me I should try be more rock n roll, but I don’t know if I anyone should take advise from someone who claims “there’s only one kind of love and it’s white and sticky”...

He gave me an update of note.
None of the lucky (?) ladies seem to have asted very long.
I’d say no more than 24h on average.
He did tell me he’s gone off the huge fake boobs though.
I think that has to count as some kind of progress…

Anyways… now my cuz is gonna give me a manicure…

Till next time kids!

Warming up

So I’ve had a rather productive day - despite looking like road kill, acquiring frostbites and (almost) loosing a few fingers.
I had a couple of meetings AND I met two of my very dear friends.
First Josephine for a Bikini smoothie (hey, I didn’t name the thing) and then Kristoffer for some soya lattes.
Both provided ample conversation, some juicy updates and giggles...
I love the people in my life!
I adore them.
And I looove Stockholm!
It’s my city, it truly is.
I was smiling walking around today.
Even though my hip was giving me plenty grief and it was colder than… well… very cold, I still loved every second of it.
I even quite enjoyed being on the tube…
Or, well at least I didn’t wanna gnaw my own arm off or pepper spray anyone...
So that’s positive… ish.

When I got back to my cousins place the little frogs where already asleep.
I was informed that the eldest one had plucked up the courage and pulled his tooth out - by him self!!
Although very proud of the little chomp, I couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed at the missed opportunity to give him a memory he’d never forget - I.e. scar him for life… hm...
Actually, maybe it was for the better that I didn’t get to traumatize him.
I’m sure he’ll be happier and less screwed up as an adult this way…

Aaanyways…

This has been a long day and I can feel the voltarens kicking in!
Oh yes…

Zzz…

Frostbites

Due to my bad case of insomnia last night,  I sadly woke up looking like road kill today.
Not a fantastic look when one actually has to see people.
Sigh.

And it’s been all downhill from there.

Volunteered to walk my cousins little vermin to kindergarten and preschool.
(Well, my cousin decided and I agreed)
All well and good till I actually got outside and my face went numb.
I have not had a winter, any kind of winter for over four years and before that I’ve always made sure to stay away from the cold as much as possible as well.
I had totally forgotten what it feels like when your face freezes and would have liked to remain blissfully ignorant of that sensation.
To make matters worse, mini bug insisted on holding my gloveless hand the whole way there.
My fingers froze and fell off.
Well, almost.
It took us 8 minutes to get there and me like 3 minutes to get back - bad hip and all.
My face definitely had frostbites when I returned.
I could feel it.
My cousin pointed out that you probably can’t get frostbites from being outside for 15 minutes when its 3C plus.
I resent that remark.

At least this weather is a good excuse for hot chocolate.

Laters…
　
　
　

Insomnia... great

Er ok, so I definitely overdid the coffee today.

Lying in bed, wide awake.

I swear I can hear my own pulse.

Freaky.

Had turned computer off, but figured “what the hell“.

Tomorrow I’m getting up early, getting out of my PJ pants and going into town for meetings and seeing a few friends.

Very excited about that.

Not particularly the “getting out of my PJ pants” part…or “getting up early|” either to be honest, but the rest makes me feel chirpier than a bird with a French fry…

- Or however the saying goes…

Hm… maybe there is no such saying at all…?

Come to think of it, I might have completely made that up but hey, I’m a Swede and so it’s totally my prerogative to make shit up. (don‘t ask)

Aaaaargh, my self induced insomnia issue is really stressing me out now.

Note to self: when someone offers you a seventh or even a fifth cup of coffee, just say no.

Gonna try think of something really mind numbingly boring now…

Like watching paint dry, standing in line at South African Home Affairs or trying to strike a conversation with someone in a coma.

I'll let you know how it went tomorrow...

Good night.. I hope

Progress... ish

Operation tooth removal is not really panning out the way I intended.
Mostly due to the total refusal of cooperation in any way, shape or form by the little tooth bearer.
As soon as I get within an arms length of the bugger, he clamps his mouth shut and puts his hands over it as an extra precaution.
I spent the better part of the afternoon/evening subjecting him to reverse psychology though and I’m feeling quite confident this is the way forward.

Ah… the awesome power struggles one can have with a six year old…

Apart from engaging in psychological warfare I mostly just spent my day working away and drinking coffee looking scummy in my PJ pants and Sponge Bob t-shirt.

At one point I did hobble outside (oh yes, hip still screwed) and watched my cousins boy skin his knee.

I told him it would have never happened if he had stayed inside and let me pull his tooth out.

He seemed sceptical…

Oh…

I think I might have overdone the coffee today.

Feeling slightly skittish and a tad bit more neurotic than usual.

Aw well…

Now I’m gonna continue with some research and then crawl into bed…

The toothfairy...?

My cousins 6 year old boy just came in and showed me his loose front tooth.
He let me feel it.
Big mistake.
I totally tried pulling it.
They’re slippery suckers though.
I tried persuade him to let me feel it again.
He refused.
Said he doesn’t trust me and stuck his tongue out.
Cheeky little bugger that.
Not as stupid as it looks though…
My front milk teeth never even had a chance to become loose before coming out.
(Slight side effect of falling on your face)
I remember the tooth fairy being extremely generous after that incident though.
Paper money all the way.
Desperately tried loosing a few more teeth next couple of days, but with little success.

Hm…

Maybe I can bribe him into letting me pull the tooth…
It’s just too tempting to let it go…
Will have another coffee and work on a plan.

To be continued…

New obsession

I still can’t really get my head around the fact that I’m in Sweden.
So far I’ve mostly stayed inside, sorting out some admin and drinking coffee.
My cousin and her hubby are obsessed with coffee.
They have one of those fancy, shiny coffee machines that you put different coloured, tiny, tin containers in and that froths your milk perfectly.
Its kind of addictive - the coffee that is.
The machine itself is an accident waiting to happen with all its little buttons, blinking lights and pipes having to be set at right angles.
It’s like the VCR machine of the 21^th century.
I mean do you honestly know of anyone who managed to master the automatic record function on their VCR back in the days?
You had to be McGuyver to work one of those fuckers…

Anyways…

I just looked at the thermometer and got quite excited when I saw it showing 21C.
Then my cousins husband kindly pointed out that I was looking at the indoor temperature.
The outdoor one (clearly marked “out”) sadly only shows 8C.
Damnit!
I think living in South Africa for four years have definitely desweded me in the ability to cope with lower temperatures although as my cousin pointed out: 8 plus is better than last months minus 15.
Thank God that I didn’t decide to come back then.
Christ on bike…

Maybe it isn't not such a bad thing I “over trained” and hurt my hip about two weeks ago.
Am very sceptical as to the plausibility of that explanation provided by my PT, doctor and nerdy gym friends, but decided to take their advice on the matter and take it easy for a while.
Granted, I did continue running and training for about a week after I first felt it, but still..
It's proven top be the perfect excuse to escape any outdoor activities for a while…
Plus I quite enjoy voltarens.
They make you sort of nice and fuzzy.
Dum da dum dum…

Oh, now it’s time for another coffee!
Have gone from one a day to 15-20 in the last two days.
I wonder how good that is for your health...?
Ah well...

Later kids…

And so it begins...

When I stopped writing my blog a few years ago I thought I’d never hear the end of it.
I did.
Now that no one hardly ever tries make me write a blog again I figured it’s time for a comeback.
I understand you might fail to see the logic in that, but its all very simple really and relates back to my inability to do as I’m told… and a few other things.

A lot has happen since I last put my life out there for everyone to read, but I’m essentially pretty much the same slight eccentric, sarcastic and opinionated chick and should most likely still come with a warning.
I’ve decided to abandon my native Swedish in favour of a more, shall I say accessible language and although my English leaves much to desire, I hope I can still make myself understood and that I wont give any self appointed language police too much of an itch.

So…

I arrived in Stockholm yesterday morning.
My cousin came and fetched me and my 23 kilo bag plus 11kilo hand luggage.
(no, I didn’t pay overweight. I batted my eyes. Am blonde and female after all)

Anyways…
The plan is that I am to work in Europe for a few months for starters and then see what happens after that.
It feels like a good plan.
Could be worse than to spend Summer in Europe and its quite exciting to not know too much about the future.
Anything resembling a forced routine (I.e. rot) should in my opinion be avoided like plague.
Besides, research has now found there’s a direct correlation between too much routine and Alzheimer disease.
True story.
Although fear of developing Alzheimer isn’t really why I’ve made sure to avoid nine-to-fives the last 10 years, but rather an excessive case of restlessness, inability to be still and a great allergy of boredom….
But worth a thought…

Now I’m in Sweden.
My country of birth.
Oh yes, I’m a Viking.
Maybe travelling and exploring is in my blood.
The Vikings Travelled and explored.
(They also pillaged, raped, killed and drank enormous amounts of alcohol, neither of which evokes any urges in me or could be considered my forte, but still…)

I’ve just embarked on a new adventure and I left all my worldly possessions (well, all but 34 kilos or so) in storage in Cape Town, which has been my home for the last four years.
It turned out to be quite a lot of stuff.
“Well you know how there’s always more stuff than you think” I said to my friend whose garage my stuff’s occupying.
“No I don’t. I’m not a woman” was his reply…
Hmpf!

Aaanywho, I need to get some much needed beauty sleep now.
Till next time.